I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
