with your own penis?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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