party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
