i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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