I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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