I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
