Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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