and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
