Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
