Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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