I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
