in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
