my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
