He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
