the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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