Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
