you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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