I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
