Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
