I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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