my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
