so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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