awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My vagina is very pro this idea
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
