I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
