Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
high people should be assigned attendants
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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