dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
