piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
