is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
