Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
