I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
