Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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