My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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