I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
