So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize