I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
