I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
