if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
