Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
