I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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