I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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