Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
