I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
