meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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