So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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