so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
