You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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