Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she told me i tasted like america
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
