A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think my moral compass just broke
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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