also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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