The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
