I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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