He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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