I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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