we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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