i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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