She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
