Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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