She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize