There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
