If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
