I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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