Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
