I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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