next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
