i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
