Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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