I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
