shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
