u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize