Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
