either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
